Create a Heart to Heart Container with those you love.
The Heart to Heart Container is a designated safe space in which individuals and couples come together to explore issues, express thoughts and feelings, and design a plan for moving forward.
Without this designated safe space for resolving issues and conflicts, things get pushed under the rug, and misunderstandings and resentments become the norm and growing relationship disenchantment can set in.
Example topics for the Heart to Heart Container can be as simple as: "The story I'm telling myself is that you didn't take the trash out because you’re mad at me. Is that true?"
"No; I didn't know the trash can was full."
Or topics can be more complex, such as with issues relating to trust and emotional safety where there’s been a betrayal or any breach of trust. .
This may not be easy, but I promise it will be worth it.
Heart to Heart Container Guidelines:
1. Let your partner know that your desire to communicate is motivated by how deeply you care about the relationship.
2. Choose a mutually agreed upon day and time for the conversation, and allow approximately 30 minutes for the discussion.
3. Express gratitude to your partner for their willingness to participate.
4. Begin difficult conversations by stating at least one or two positive attributes that you love and appreciate about your partner.
5. Stick to one or two topics per meeting. Do not add other issues or grievances.
6. Remain emotionally regulated. On a scale of 1-10, both parties should maintain a 5. If either person begins shutting down or escalating, book-mark the conversation, and agree to revisit it later.
7. Take turns presenting an issue using “I” statements: Partner A: “I feel _____ about _____ . Keep it simple and brief. Partner B’s role is to practice actively listening, even if Partner B disagrees. Partner B repeats what they heard Partner A say, and follows up with “Did I get that right?” And, ”is there more?”
8. Once Partner A has presented their issue and feels heard (and ideally understood) by Partner B, it is now Partner B’s turn to express their thoughts and feelings about the issue. Remember: your goal is resolution and understanding. Defending, blaming, or minimizing, will keep you stuck. Sometimes choosing to agree to disagree is the way to peace.
9. The conversation moves to problem solving: Partner A: What I’m willing to do about this is ______, and what I’m asking you to do about this is ______. Partner B agrees, or they negotiate.
10. Remember that your heart's deepest desire is to love and be loved, as is your partner's.
*If you're struggling with these guidelines, please reach out for professional guidance and support.
Love is at the root of everything. All learning. All parenting. All relationships. Love, or lack of it."
Fred Rogers
If a bond with someone close to you could use some attention and care, some time practicing safe space and communication, whilst delighting in shared new experiences, consider joining me in Italy this October.
There’s no place more romantic than Italy! And when you visit as a part of my small and intimate retreat group you can not only enjoy all of the allure and indulgence of the Puglian region of Italy, you’ll also learn valuable skills that will breathe new life and longevity into your relationship.
